Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
