A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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