hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
