Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
