Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
