If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
