Umm I'm too high to move.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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