my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
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I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
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We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
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