then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
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Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
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Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
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