drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Randomize
