I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
