I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
