Your face is a jimmy john
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
