She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
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