When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Randomize
