I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
The power of my boobs compel you
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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