are you so shy because you have an std?
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
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