she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
