I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
