I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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