I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize