Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
