my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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