i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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