That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
