I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
