That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
