Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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