it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
