If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
