dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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