Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
