Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
