i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
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