My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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