I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
