you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
