oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
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I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
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A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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