We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
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