So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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