Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
