I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Let's get the cat blown out
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
