I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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