you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize