Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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