And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
she peed on how many people?
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
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