Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
