last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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