8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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