New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Randomize
