she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
