my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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