just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
