dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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