Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
