Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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