Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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