so explain again why im purple
no
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
