Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
