i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
