no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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