i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
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