I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
