Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
