I wish my penis had an off switch
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
