please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
