I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
