He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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