I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
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