Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
