how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
