new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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