Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
